Lily was raised by extremely strict parents on a rural working farm in New York. Her days were long and demanding, and she felt isolated from much of the world. There was love in the home, but there was also fear and worry and even chaos at times. Escape came at the young age of 17 when her parents allowed, and even encouraged, her to marry. In fact, this young man, who was the son of a preacher, was the only guy she was ever allowed to date. Still, she thought this was her chance at a new life. Unfortunately, her new life wasn’t so pretty. It was grim and frightening due to the physical abuse that started even before the wedding. At the time, Lily really didn’t even understand this was unacceptable. Not having known, or witnessed, a healthy relationship, she thought this behavior was normal. After a beating, her husband would offer to take her to the hospital, apologize profusely, behave well for a few days, and the cycle would then repeat. Looking back, she often wondered why her parents/family never intervened. They saw the bruises and yet turned a blind eye to her situation. Ten years she lived that life and brought two daughters into this world; and it was those daughters who gave her the strength to break away. The turning point for Lily was when her husband knocked down her youngest daughter and the oldest (at 4 years of age) tugged on her daddy’s leg begging him not to hurt mommy. She was 28 when the light bulb came on.
Lily moved out and began raising her children on her own. She was doing better, but still lacked emotional maturity and life wisdom. She married her second husband where the abuse continued. This time the abuse was mental and emotional, and her opinion that made it worse. Bruises heal, but the wounds from controlling, manipulative behavior are harder to repair. She was accused of everything imaginable, isolated and in the end, she had to make a choice between him and her daughters. Once again, her daughters were her backbone and she moved on.
This time around she was exhausted and had to re-learn how to integrate herself back into the world around her. In a rare fortunate turn of events, part of the healing process brought her back in contact with a friend and previous co-worker - Randy. Now Randy knew Lily when she was with husband #1 and saw the bruises for himself. He felt helpless to get involved and could only offer his friendship. When they reconnected 14 years later, however, there was much more he could do. Randy became the love of Lily’s life and her heart’s hero. He was everything she never knew existed or deserved. He stood by her as she struggled to regain her emotional footing. He never judged or demanded anything. He loved her unconditionally and Lily felt safe, cherished and she loved Randy immensely in return.
It was in year 9 of their marriage when he got sick. It was a mysterious illness that would come and go. He would have seizures and be extremely sick for short periods of time, and then get better. As time went by, the seizures got worse and his downtime was longer. The doctors never really could figure out what was wrong and eventually Randy lost his battle and he passed away.
Lily’s devastation was unfathomable. She had been mistreated for so long, and when she finally found someone to believe in, he was ripped away from her. Of course, she was extremely thankful for the years they had, and still treasures them to this day, but the loss weighed heavy on her heart. She spent the next 2-3 years healing. She went to grief counseling, met other women who had experienced this type of loss, and slowly reclaimed her life. She always had a love for working out and was an avid fan of Cross Fit. She worked out regularly and even started to run. She made friends, had a social life and was even enjoying the wonders of grandchildren. Then she felt the lump.
At first, her doctors said not to worry, but eventually, they did a biopsy and it was confirmed she had Stage 3 Breast Cancer. Now by this point, I would think she would throw in the towel. I mean, really? Just how much misery, pain and loss does one person have to endure? Then cancer?? I wouldn’t have blamed Lily a bit if she hosted a huge pity party! Did she? Nope! Not at all. She threw herself into her treatments. She did chemo. She did radiation. She got sick and lost her hair and still wasn’t completely cured. In 2015 she had a double mastectomy and then later reconstructive surgery. Do you know what else Lily did in 2015? She won first place in the Cross Fit Open for her state/age bracket! Are you kidding me? Who does that? Lily did! And she ran a 5K while still taking chemo. The woman was unstoppable.
Now, did she have bad days? Yes, she did. Did she feel drained, beaten down and bone-weary; no doubt. Did she ever question; Why ME??? I don’t think so. Lily has the most positive attitude of anyone I have ever met. She believes that life is a precious gift and we should all make the most of it. She has opened her heart back up and is currently dating a wonderful man who, again, accepts her just the way she is.
To be honest, knowing her has made me re-evaluate my attitude. I am sometimes guilty of the thought that the world is against me or life is unfair and then WHAM, I run into Lily and all I can think is…I want to be more like her.
I know when she reads this, she will be embarrassed and say she doesn’t deserve the accolades; that she was just doing what anyone else would do. I know there are other very strong, courageous women out there; that’s why I started this series, and I’m so happy she agreed to be a part of it. She embodies the word Overcomer and Inspiration. She loves life. She lives life. She credits her faith in God and the support of friends and family for the recoveries she has made again and again. She chose, on many occasions, to be a Victor and not a Victim.
As I close out, I want all of you to understand that life’s hurdles are inevitable. Some of us experience more struggles and trials than others, but we all face times of trouble. A good attitude and positive outlook can go a very long way in helping us move past them. A solid foundation of faith and the support of loved ones are crucial in troubling events. Choose to never give up. Decide to take it one day at a time and be thankful for each sunrise. Treasure each moment for the gift that it is and always look for the good. Lily does not consider herself special or remarkable, but I do. I hope you find within her story the courage to face what life has dealt and I hope you come out of your struggles smelling just as sweet as the beautiful lilies of the field.
Until next time….
Hope With Abandon
Hope Out
www.hopeboulevard.com
