The Strength of a Lily - Courage in the Battle

Today I want to introduce you to a woman who has won my respect, admiration and affection, and after hearing her story, I believe she will win yours as well. For the sake of her family’s privacy, I will refer to her only as Lily. Did you know that lilies are a noted symbol of refined beauty and purity? They are a strikingly beautiful flower that grows atop a strong stem and is surrounded by the sweetest of aromas? That description fits Lily as she is amazingly strong, but with a gentle and sweet spirit. So, let’s get straight to her story.

Lily was raised by extremely strict parents on a rural working farm in New York. Her days were long and demanding, and she felt isolated from much of the world. There was love in the home, but there was also fear and worry and even chaos at times. Escape came at the young age of 17 when her parents allowed, and even encouraged, her to marry. In fact, this young man, who was the son of a preacher, was the only guy she was ever allowed to date. Still, she thought this was her chance at a new life. Unfortunately, her new life wasn’t so pretty. It was grim and frightening due to the physical abuse that started even before the wedding. At the time, Lily really didn’t even understand this was unacceptable. Not having known, or witnessed, a healthy relationship, she thought this behavior was normal. After a beating, her husband would offer to take her to the hospital, apologize profusely, behave well for a few days, and the cycle would then repeat. Looking back, she often wondered why her parents/family never intervened. They saw the bruises and yet turned a blind eye to her situation. Ten years she lived that life and brought two daughters into this world; and it was those daughters who gave her the strength to break away. The turning point for Lily was when her husband knocked down her youngest daughter and the oldest (at 4 years of age) tugged on her daddy’s leg begging him not to hurt mommy. She was 28 when the light bulb came on.

Lily moved out and began raising her children on her own. She was doing better, but still lacked emotional maturity and life wisdom. She married her second husband where the abuse continued. This time the abuse was mental and emotional, and her opinion that made it worse. Bruises heal, but the wounds from controlling, manipulative behavior are harder to repair. She was accused of everything imaginable, isolated and in the end, she had to make a choice between him and her daughters. Once again, her daughters were her backbone and she moved on.

This time around she was exhausted and had to re-learn how to integrate herself back into the world around her. In a rare fortunate turn of events, part of the healing process brought her back in contact with a friend and previous co-worker - Randy. Now Randy knew Lily when she was with husband #1 and saw the bruises for himself. He felt helpless to get involved and could only offer his friendship. When they reconnected 14 years later, however, there was much more he could do. Randy became the love of Lily’s life and her heart’s hero. He was everything she never knew existed or deserved. He stood by her as she struggled to regain her emotional footing. He never judged or demanded anything. He loved her unconditionally and Lily felt safe, cherished and she loved Randy immensely in return.

It was in year 9 of their marriage when he got sick. It was a mysterious illness that would come and go. He would have seizures and be extremely sick for short periods of time, and then get better. As time went by, the seizures got worse and his downtime was longer. The doctors never really could figure out what was wrong and eventually Randy lost his battle and he passed away.

Lily’s devastation was unfathomable. She had been mistreated for so long, and when she finally found someone to believe in, he was ripped away from her. Of course, she was extremely thankful for the years they had, and still treasures them to this day, but the loss weighed heavy on her heart. She spent the next 2-3 years healing. She went to grief counseling, met other women who had experienced this type of loss, and slowly reclaimed her life. She always had a love for working out and was an avid fan of Cross Fit. She worked out regularly and even started to run. She made friends, had a social life and was even enjoying the wonders of grandchildren. Then she felt the lump.

At first, her doctors said not to worry, but eventually, they did a biopsy and it was confirmed she had Stage 3 Breast Cancer. Now by this point, I would think she would throw in the towel. I mean, really? Just how much misery, pain and loss does one person have to endure? Then cancer?? I wouldn’t have blamed Lily a bit if she hosted a huge pity party! Did she? Nope! Not at all. She threw herself into her treatments. She did chemo. She did radiation. She got sick and lost her hair and still wasn’t completely cured. In 2015 she had a double mastectomy and then later reconstructive surgery. Do you know what else Lily did in 2015? She won first place in the Cross Fit Open for her state/age bracket! Are you kidding me? Who does that? Lily did! And she ran a 5K while still taking chemo. The woman was unstoppable.

Now, did she have bad days? Yes, she did. Did she feel drained, beaten down and bone-weary; no doubt. Did she ever question; Why ME??? I don’t think so. Lily has the most positive attitude of anyone I have ever met. She believes that life is a precious gift and we should all make the most of it. She has opened her heart back up and is currently dating a wonderful man who, again, accepts her just the way she is.

To be honest, knowing her has made me re-evaluate my attitude. I am sometimes guilty of the thought that the world is against me or life is unfair and then WHAM, I run into Lily and all I can think is…I want to be more like her.

I know when she reads this, she will be embarrassed and say she doesn’t deserve the accolades; that she was just doing what anyone else would do. I know there are other very strong, courageous women out there; that’s why I started this series, and I’m so happy she agreed to be a part of it. She embodies the word Overcomer and Inspiration. She loves life. She lives life. She credits her faith in God and the support of friends and family for the recoveries she has made again and again. She chose, on many occasions, to be a Victor and not a Victim.  

As I close out, I want all of you to understand that life’s hurdles are inevitable. Some of us experience more struggles and trials than others, but we all face times of trouble. A good attitude and positive outlook can go a very long way in helping us move past them. A solid foundation of faith and the support of loved ones are crucial in troubling events. Choose to never give up. Decide to take it one day at a time and be thankful for each sunrise. Treasure each moment for the gift that it is and always look for the good. Lily does not consider herself special or remarkable, but I do. I hope you find within her story the courage to face what life has dealt and I hope you come out of your struggles smelling just as sweet as the beautiful lilies of the field.  

Until next time….

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

A Tale Of Two Sisters

Inspiration comes in all shapes and forms and all the people I wish to highlight have impacted me in some manner. They each offer a Slice Of Hope into my oftentimes crazy world, and my hope is by introducing them, I will share that slice with you; My Hopefuls.

My first person is really two persons; sisters to be exact. Shelley and Kelley. No, they are not twins, and in fact, they would probably be the first to say they are quite different on many levels. The one thing they do share, however, is their dedication to family and their belief in determination and hard work to accomplish their goals.

Shelley is the older of the two; a little shy kept more to herself but always watching and listening. She married a great guy, had a son and then a daughter and life was beautiful. It wasn’t perfect, but it was beautiful. She was a stay at home mom and devoted her life to her family. Somewhere along the way, the signs started to present themselves, and before long Shelley knew that each of her children faced learning challenges; both of them have Dyslexia and her daughter is ADHD. It is difficult enough in this day and age sending your children off to school under the best of circumstances but knowing each one would face a very distinct set of struggles, she did more than just feel bad, she took action! The first thing she did was educate herself.

She discovered that Dyslexia is not a visual problem (only seeing letters backward) or an intellectual issue. It is a condition that affects the brain’s way of processing information both visually and auditory; affecting reading, writing, spelling and even aspects of daily life. Children with Dyslexia often feel (or are made to feel) less smart/capable. They feel sad when they think they are not living up to either their parent’s, teacher’s or even their peer’s expectations. Those feelings are intensified when they turn it onto themselves and become frustrated trying to achieve their own goals; some even developing anxiety issues.

Then she moved on to ADHD. There, she discovered that her daughter’s brain did not work the same as other brains; but that it was a neurological issue. It wasn’t a defiance concern or parenting matter. The impulsivity, hyperactivity, lack of focus and powerful emotions were not done on purpose, and indeed, was no fun to deal with for the sufferer. It’s often described as having a Ferrari brain with Model T brakes. Despite the challenges ADHD brings to her daughter’s life, she taught her to embrace her gifts – creativity, ingenuity and her high intellect. She was diagnosed as gifted. ADHD brings on obvious complications in a controlled learning environment (school) and there are social difficulties as well for those with this condition. So once Shelley had gathered all this information, did she resign her and her children to school years full of agonizing experiences and defeat? Absolutely NOT!

She became a ferocious advocate! She researched everything she could find on Dyslexia and ADHD and learned the handling and coping skills they need. She worked one-on-one with them and their school work oftentimes reading everything. The relationship she built with their Dyslexia teachers helped fill in the gaps and provide support. She attends every 504 meeting to see to it that they are getting all the accommodations they need to be successful in school. She went before the school district to encourage (ok, maybe, demand) extra material and programs so that her children, and others in the system, would not get left behind in their education. And during all that time, she took on other roles as well. Her son discovered soccer at age 7 and she became the treasurer for the city’s soccer association; a position she still holds. She became a substitute teacher and then moved to the computer lab full time.

She really doesn’t consider herself a hero, but in the hearts and minds of her children, she is. They have flourished and excelled in their studies; both on the A/B Honor Roll. They are both in the marching band. Her daughter is the high school basketball team manager and her son is a soccer referee and plays on the high school golf team. All these accomplishments trace themselves back to a mom who decided to be involved, fight for her kids and never give up.

Here are her words: “I love my life. Every up and down, every obstacle and triumph has shaped me. Without the love and support from God, my family and the many friends He sent along the way, I couldn’t have done it. This is my journey and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

But my story does not end here, because we still have the younger sister; Kelley. Now, Kelley was more the rambunctious type, a little headstrong; maybe even somewhat of a tomboy. Some might say fearless; others might use different terms, but she was always excited about the next big thing. As is often true when youth and impulse collide, some early decisions led down a painful path. She experienced trouble and loss, yet she never lost her fire nor her will to succeed. She had to start over with two small children, but that fearlessness was still there. Soon, she would meet a wonderful man who accepted her where she was and loved her and her children.

Her new husband had determination and dreams of his own. While working at Home Depot, he started a business on the side doing remodeling and small construction jobs. Kelley was also a stay at home mom, but she decided to help her husband with his startup. At first, it was small things; paperwork, buying supplies, handing the tools; but soon that was not enough for her. She wanted to get her hands dirty; literally. And she did. Over the last fourteen years she has learned everything there is to know about the home remodeling business and she works beside her husband every day. She works on the business side, with advertising, and the callouses on her pretty hands prove her love and commitment to get the job done. They are what is now called Copreneurs (Couples who are co-owners in a business together.) For those of you married, I do not have to explain the challenges of working with your spouse all day long, only to come home and share household duties, bills and family life as well. Non-stop togetherness can work on the nerves, but Kelley and her husband have found a way not only to make it work but make it thrive. They have learned to balance their work life with a home life and become partners who respect each other for what they each bring to the table. Their business is doing great and their love has only grown.

In addition to the hands-on construction work she does every day, Kelley has a new passion as well; also, ironically including the hands. In an attempt to learn a new skill and have a back up plan to help support her family when crawling under houses and between cabinets is no longer fun, Kelley took up nail art! Yes, you heard me, nail art. The up and coming beauty trend of painting beautiful and intricate designs on fingernails. I must tell you that I have tried my hand at painting on canvas, and while I loved it, I could not make a living out of it. To attempt to paint a recognizable and still lovely image on a fingernail is totally lost on me, but she is amazingly talented. She is basically reinventing herself, again. The courage it takes to do that, and the persistence and time to work on her craft is amazing to me.

Here are her words: “I wouldn’t be where I am today and doing what I absolutely love if it wasn’t for the Lord. When I learned to let go and let God, my life completely changed and all for the better. I am beyond blessed and have the greatest family that I get to be a part of. ‘And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is Love.’ 1 Corinthians 13:13”

I hope you can tell by now the reasons why I picked these two sisters for my first edition of Slice Of Hope. Completely different stories, but the underlying theme is unmistakable. They each took a circumstance or development in their life and turned it completely on its head. They used their own unique and individual strengths and talents to overcome obstacles. They did not back down or concede. Were there rough times; no doubt. Did they struggle with disappointments, failures and the thought of giving up; absolutely? Did they lean on God, family and friends to support them, while they were offering support themselves; I’m positive they did. Are they an inspiration to me? You bet they are!

My Hopefuls, I trust that you can find a little of yourselves in one (or both) of these sisters. I know that each of you reading this has faced a struggle or obstacle in your family, work or personal life. I also believe that each of us possesses the inner strength to push through. The answers come in different forms. Sometimes it is knowledge or educating yourself on an issue. Sometimes it is asking for help. Sometimes it is being willing to learn something new or follow a dream. I want to encourage you to discover your own Slice of Hope within these paragraphs and to take the steps to move past the pain or problem and work on the resolution. I would love to hear YOUR stories and be able to share your own Slice Of Hope with my readers.

Keep the faith! Keep up the good work! Keep believing! And always, always, always…

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

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From The Darkness To The Limelight

One Man’s Journey To Become A Mature Model/Actor

Meet Dr. Howard Snooks; sixth generation native of Colorado. By all outward appearances, he was the epitome of success. He had a beautiful family and a marriage of 34 years. He ran a thriving private psychotherapy practice that spanned 45 years. He was fit, healthy and happy. He had every expectation of sailing into a life of retirement where he could expand his love for travel and international bicycle trips.

Then 2015 happened.

In February of that year, Howard’s father died unexpectedly. Then, shortly after, his wife dropped the bombshell news that she no longer wished to be married. Just like that; period. It came without warning and with no possibility of reconciliation. To say the least, he was devastated. Life had to go on, but what would it look like? Future plans were immediately erased just like random scribbles on the whiteboard of life. Then more loss came knocking at his door when his uncle and sister both unexpectedly passed in late summer and fall. Again, with the shock and the disbelief, he mustered through the grieving process and began to question what the universe was trying to teach him.

Then, just when he thought the onslaught of dreadful experiences was over, he had a bizarre accident during a blizzard in West Texas (of all places) forty miles from the nearest hospital and was stranded with a broken hip all night. It was the next morning before he was able to make it to help and had to have emergency hip replacement surgery. There were few people happier to say goodbye to 2015 than Howard Snooks, who viewed 2016 apprehensively, but with hope. As it turns out, Lady Universe was about to open up a whole new world for him.

While reading the Denver Post one morning in early 2016 he ran across an article explaining how senior citizens were scarce in the modeling/acting arena.  Howard sat on that piece for a while, carefully measuring his thoughts. He had always taken care of himself. He worked out and, frankly, looked quite good for a man his age. He had no work or relationship responsibilities (other than his dog Oso), and like the clouds parting after a storm, he took this article as the guiding light forward. He immediately enrolled in modeling and acting classes, joined a talent agency and built his portfolio. The offers started rolling in.

He has done several Runway Exhibitions, including a competition of commercial models, where he won first runner-up for Commercial Male in a field of 37 models; who were at least 45 years his junior. He has been in a music video, a Subaru commercial, did an ad for a CrossFit gym and a stock photo shoot. He has a growing Instagram following (@howardsnooks) and hopes to become a notable Influencer. His current project is creating a 2019 calendar called The Men Of Boulder, which will consist of men in all age brackets and will include inspiring messages specifically for women from each of the models.

I recently spoke with Howard and asked about his musings, motivations and outlook for the future. Here are some of the highlights.

“I had to make a conscious decision to survive and even thrive when my life reached its lowest point.” Howard talked about how people instinctively try to hide from their feelings when things fall apart when in reality they need to face and embrace them. Having the courage to honestly feel the pain is the first step in healing.

“I am attempting to consciously evolve to be myself in the deepest possible way, without regard to stereotypes about masculinity, social status, age, etc.” We talked about the reactions his friends and family have had to his new-found career. He admitted there were those who were dubious, and some felt his reinvention would result in a changed, or less connected, relationship. He explains it this way.“People are used to you behaving in certain ways. When you change, they become scared and confused. Not everyone welcomes growth; either in themselves or someone they love.” He laughingly admitted his older (lifelong) friends were a little puzzled by his new passion, but overall, he has been met with support and encouragement.

He enjoys his current status as a single man and loves meeting new women and dating.  Despite the end of his marriage, he felt fulfilled in his identity as a married man and looks forward to the possibility of marriage again, but there is no doubt he is cautious trying to align his head, heart and romantic feelings with possible partners. He still has much to offer.

To sum up this journey he states, “Personal life disasters can be a profound gift since they offer such opportunities for growth.” Howard will be the first one to tell you when he was at his lowest, he never imagined that his world would unfold and bloom in such a beautiful way. Howard is embracing this new life. He is energized and focused. He is constantly learning the ropes and says the modeling community has been warm and welcoming. He appreciates their advice and it is his goal to pay that forward. He believes strongly in community and connections and he is excited for what each new day brings.

It was a great pleasure to speak with Howard and I’m honored to be able to bring you his story. He is truly an inspiration and a delight to talk to, and he absolutely believes that anyone can reinvent themselves at any age. He’s proving that to the world every day. Meet the new Howard Snooks!

Written by: J Hope Suis

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https://www.hopeboulevard.com/