Friday, June 14, 2019

Meet Chip Mattis - A Father's Day Inspiration of Sacrifice and Family Devotion

As Father's Day approaches, I wanted to take a moment to highlight a man (and father) who I believe exemplifies the theme of My Hopeful Life. From the outside, this established author and former associate pastor, with a degree in Philosophy and Religion and beautiful family would appear to have an idyllic life; and while in some ways he doesn't dispute that, the road to this spot was neither smooth nor straight.

Chip was born in Illinois to devoted, conservative Christian parents. He spent much time within the church walls and it was there his Christian values were established. He is the middle son between two sisters. The oldest sister has six years on him, and the youngest was born four years after him. The youngest was diagnosed with a severe form of autism and it became part of his responsibility as the older brother to look after and care for her growing up.

While he did have a Christian upbringing, he notes that his parents lived mostly separate lives and did not have what he considered a close marriage. They adopted a hands-off style of parenting and he had a lot of freedom when it came to choices for TV, computer and outside activities. While it did expose him to more of life's experiences, it also exposed him to darker things at a younger age.

Chip met his wife, Jessie, in high school, but they were not high school sweethearts. They were friends in the same circle, but never quite took that next step. They moved on to attend the same college and that is where their relationship blossomed. Chip contributes this mostly to the need for him to mature a bit to be ready for what he calls his 'wife lottery win'.

They married in 2004 and in 2005 moved to Chicago so Chip could start his Master's in Theology at Loyola University. One day, in August of that year, Jessie casually asked if he could see anything in her eye. It was bothering her a bit. Of course, he didn't, so she just treated it with eyedrops and went to bed only to wake up the next morning with double vision.

After a visit to the eye doctor, that turned into having an MRI, Jessie was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

This was a devastating diagnosis to the newlyweds. With the future so uncertain, and his wife's health a top priority, Chip dropped out of the master's program and passed on his dream of becoming a professor.

It was then, in September, that more bad news crossed his path. He received a call from his sister that their mom had suffered a stroke and was on life support. He left immediately to be by her side. As it turns out, it was not a stroke but was a brain aneurysm and one that had a very low survival rate.

His mother was sedated until the swelling went down enough to operate and then she was bedridden for a couple of months. During this time, Chip's father was showing signs of early onset Alzheimers and this added to the stressful family dynamic. Chip and Jessie decided to pack up and move back home to Danville, IL.

Finally, it was the Thanksgiving season and his mom had made enough progress to be going home. She was in a rehab facility and physical therapy was going well. On the Monday after Thanksgiving, one day before she was scheduled to go home, she called in the nurse to help her to the restroom. In the process of that one simple act, the nurse let go of her to open the door, she stumbled, fell and hit her head on the floor. She died a week later.

To go from almost certain death, to a homecoming, to a senseless tragic accident, was almost more than Chip could bear. His world was spinning out of control with loss, anger, and despair.

These are his words. "I wrestled with the purpose of enduring so much. I struggled with God's love for me. Why? Was I being punished? It forced me to rethink much of what I had come to believe about God." 

He was reminded of Job in the Bible and realized that both good and bad things fall on everyone in this life. He struggled in his relationship with God but says he and his wife found peace and comfort when they began attending a new church movement; The Vineyard.

Again, his words. "Once I grasped God's great love or me, and that God desires my wholeness, my life has never been the same."

Chip and Jessie's life moved forward and soon they welcomed in their first child; a daughter. It was through her that another milestone in Chip's life came about. Here are his words about his book; Under the Dancing Tree. "I wrote the book when my daughter was two. I caught her dancing with the willow tree in our front yard. She was twirling and spinning without a care in the world." He wanted to preserve that precious moment and realized how swiftly time flies by.



He wrote it first as a poem, but then, after encouragement from his mother-in-law, hired an illustrator and found an agent and publisher. It is now being sold and shipped around the world.

I asked Chip about his definition of A Hopeful Life. Here is his answer:

"As a Christian, hope is near the center of who we are. It is an expectation of a future. My hope is placed in God. A hopeful life is built where all my present moments are pointing towards that future where my life is complete and fulfilled."

Chip and his wife Jessie have been married 15 years and now live in Bloomington, IN. They have three children; 11, 9 and 7. Jessie's MS is currently in a manageable state and she home schools the children.

He does note that his free-range upbringing sometimes does clash with her much more sheltered and structured childhood, but they always respect each other's views and present a united front.

Chip witnessed the distance and struggles of his parent's marriage and is committed to changing that pattern. They have regular date nights and always make each other a priority.

I actually 'met' Chip on Twitter. I was drawn to his positive outlook and encouraging posts. In this day where negativity surrounds us at every turn, I was greatly encouraged to find a bright voice in the darkness.

I thought Father's Day was the perfect time to spotlight a man who not only endured loss and sacrifice but used them as springboards to beautiful things. His insight and love portrayed in Under The Dancing Tree is a refreshing look at a father's endless love.

For more information on Chip and how to order his book, visit his website: www.chipmattis.com

You can also follow him on Twitter @chipmattis and find his book here.

And as always...

Hope With Abandon

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com










Monday, June 3, 2019

Ashley Rose - A Radiant Flower Whose Time Has Come To Bloom

A rose is one of few flowers that grow in the midst of thorns. Ironically, its beauty is not diminished by its painful surroundings. In fact, those thorns provide a shield from harm and allow the rose to bloom and thrive in peace.
Today I want to introduce you to a young woman whose journey embodies the definition of her name; Ashley Rose. With her permission, and invaluable insight, I am sharing her story of struggles (thorns) and beauty.
Ashley’s childhood mirrored that of many; non-traditional. She was from a broken home, but a family whom she loved and has always been close. She grew up in the south, loving life and friends.
The year she turned 21, she was a single mom of a toddler and working at K&W cafeteria when a new employee would change her life, but take the long way around getting there.



Ashley met Daniel on his first day of work, out back on a break. There was an immediate attraction. They began dating, moved in together, and soon brought a beautiful baby girl into this world.
Ashley talks of her relationship with Daniel as always having a deep and true connection. They were friends first, who talked about everything and nothing at all. She envisioned him as her life partner. The problem with that vision, however, was that Daniel unfortunately already had a life partner; alcohol.
This announcement is not an indictment to his character. He grew up, as did she, in an environment where alcohol was part of life. Celebrations, losses, milestones, frustrations; most moments included some form of libations. For many, this does not create a problem, but for some, including Daniel, it did.
His downward spiral into drinking drove a wedge between them and Ashley knew she did not want to raise her daughters in an unhealthy home. So she packed up her girls and left. Daniel’s addiction was a fight she couldn’t win alone.

She explains it this way. "We remained close friends and co-parents. We kept each other at a distance because, looking back, somehow we always knew it just wasn't our time yet. Subconsciously, it is like we always knew one day it would be. We just had to be patient for serendipity to bring us together again."

Life moves fast when you are young. Ashley moved on. She raised her daughters, dated, and thought she was happy, but slowly Ashley starting losing bits and pieces of herself.
True love and commitment always hovered just out of reach. The end of a two-year relationship in 2018 was especially devastating for her. He had embraced her children and they loved him too. There was talk of marriage. Then, out of the blue one day, he was gone. Just like that. No explanation. No recourse. Just gone.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
Her world was shaken. And not just hers. Her children were hurt and confused. Watching them deal with the disappointment and look to her for answers she didn’t have, drove her into depression.

She shares her thoughts. "I thought, I'm never going to be able to give my girls the family they deserve. After being abandoned like that, after thinking we were happy, I questioned everything. Even if you do find love, how will you ever know it is real?"
Her escape came, as it did with Daniel, in the bottle. Ashley never completely lost touch with her life over alcohol. She still held a job and raised her kids, but her troubles and worries were pushed down with ever-increasing amounts of liquid pain elixir. Until it wasn't.
Ashley tells of the moment the tide turned for her. She had gone to the liquor store and before going in, sat in the car. It dawned on her that usually she was buying to go out and be with friends but this time she knew she was buying it to take home and drink alone.
She sat in her car, not wanting to go in, not wanting to be THAT person, but knowing that she was.
Then she made another decision.
She decided she wanted better. For herself. For her daughters. They became her driving force. She re-focused her energies.
She started to work out. Eat better. She put down the bottle. It didn't happen overnight, but slowly she started to feel better; inside and out. She listened to motivational coaches on YouTube while she worked out.
Here are her own words. "I stopped feeling sorry for myself and decided not to give up on the amazing life I had yet to live. I began following my passions like cooking and writing. I started exploring the world around me again."
Every day her goal was to turn pain into power and she believed everything was going to be ok. No, better than ok. Everything was going to be good! She never lost faith, not in herself and not in God. She prayed and knew He would show up, and He did.

Here are her thoughts on her girls. "I thought it was important for my daughters to not only see me recover but thrive after seeing me so broken. One day, if they find themselves breaking, hopefully, they can pull from that as inspiration to carry them through."
And then one little careless event turned the tide. She locked her keys in her car.

She reached out to Daniel for help that day. He showed up. Daniel had been sober for years now. He had gotten his life back on track and was doing well. After he helped her with the car, he invited her to go with him and their daughter to a concert. She agreed to go, but thought, at first, she was doing it for their daughter. But life had other plans.
That simple evening started the renewal process for Ashley and Daniel. They had much to discuss and fears to overcome, but together they decided to give it one more try.
Ashley credits that as being one of her best decisions. She is extremely happy, and so are her children.
As many relationship experts discourage going back to an ex, I asked her about second chances and her thoughts on starting over.
She said a relationship was founded in respect and it was the job of each person to bring out the best in their partner. To inspire and encourage them. She spoke of the importance of acknowledging their feelings even if you don't agree with them.
She said, for them, their love evolved over time. It never went away. Their connection remained strong, even when they were apart. She said that some people truly deserve a second chance.
Both Ashley and Daniel live sober lives. It is not a burden or a sacrifice for them. They are happy, vibrant, active parents and their home is full of fun and love.



These are her words. "Our love carried on and took so many forms over all those years apart, but it was never lost. That was our strong foundation when getting back together because our love survived and surpassed all tests and everything life threw at us. Our love was relentless and like anything classic; always stood the test of time."




 

Ashley is also pursuing her love of baking. She has always loved cooking and has recently started a sweet treat business called Silky Sweet Boutique where she is currently taking orders for cakes, cupcakes, candy dipped fruit and other delightful treats, including bacon roses! Check out her Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/Silky-Sweet-Boutique-482783862459147/



"These days Daniel and I enjoy our beautiful home. We love kayaking, camping growing our garden and family game nights. We love being a team in every sense of the word."
Ashley's story, for me, IS one of hope. The struggles, the pain, the turning point, and the restoration. Regardless of our age or circumstances, we can be encouraged by her tenacity and motivation.
Abraham Lincoln once said, "We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."
Ashley Rose used the thorns in her life to shield and guide her to a place where she could truly bloom.
That is a A Hopeful Life!
And that is how you....
Hope With Abandon!



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